


What it's Like to Shine

by grasslandgirl



Category: American Vandal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Dylan is Captain Shakespeare but he's only mentioned :(, Gabi is Victoria but she's also only mentioned sorry, M/M, Peter is Yvaine, Sam is Tristan, Stardust AU, and then ofc sam and pete fall in love along the way, based on a singular textpost and an unecessary love of this movie, but witches are hunting them bc if they eat peters heart they get immortality, essentially peter is a star and sam wants to bring him home to win gabis heart, first person pov bc I! hate! myself!, go watch it on netflix tho its a great movie, really its just fluff and get together i basically just imply the actual plot of the movie, theyre pining obviously have u met me, this is ridiculous why am i doing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-14 13:43:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16493681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grasslandgirl/pseuds/grasslandgirl
Summary: Peter is a star, Sam is trying to bring him home to win the heart of his ladyloveand, as in most adventures, nothing goes to plan, but most things turn out for the best~~~I know it’s a combination of the moonlight and the shadows cast by the fire, but I swear that it looks like Peter is glowing. His eyes are soft and distant, looking out at the night sky, shining down through the sparse forest canopy above them.“Are you tempted?” Peter asks, his eyes never leaving the sky. His voice is so quiet that I almost don’t hear him. I can’t tell if that’s accidental or by design. I don’t know exactly what he means, so I hum noncommittally in lieu of an answer. “By immortality.”





	What it's Like to Shine

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'd like to formally apologize for the bullshit you're about to read  
> this is one of the most ridiculous and self indulgent things i've written and that's saying a LOT bc almost everything i write is ridiculous and self indulgent SO  
> if we were a movie will get updated soon i PROMISE i just really had to like Do This bc its been killing me since it wormed its way into my head  
> this is the text post that inspired this fic. literally one sentence and here we are: http://peter-maldonado.tumblr.com/post/179405431647/sam-as-tristan-peter-as-the-star  
> enjoy i guess

**SAM:**

I know it’s a combination of the moonlight and the shadows cast by the fire, but I swear that it looks like Peter is glowing. His eyes are soft and distant, looking out at the night sky, shining down through the sparse forest canopy above them. He has that expression that makes him look a million miles away, so far into his own thoughts that I can never reach him. It makes something hurt, deep inside my chest, like an ache that I can never shake loose, to see him when he gets like this. I know that he’s remembering his life before, missing his home, and I know that it’s my fault that Peter’s hurting.

I remind myself it’s only a few more days til I bring him to Gabi, and then we can both find our way home.

“Are you tempted?” Peter asks, his eyes never leaving the sky. His voice is so quiet that I almost don’t hear him. I can’t tell if that’s accidental or by design. I don’t know exactly what he means, so I hum noncommittally in lieu of an answer. “By immortality.”

The bottom drops out of my stomach.

Peter’s eyes have fallen, just a little, and he’s looking out and through the pitch black woods around us. I can’t help but feel like he’s avoiding my gaze. “If it wasn’t me, if it was another star, one you didn’t know,” Peter continues, a distant sort of curiosity to his voice, “would you be tempted?”

Another star. Because that’s what Peter is, a star. One knocked down from the heavens.

It feels like years ago when I told Gabi I would cross the wall surrounding our village to catch her a falling star in a hopeless bid for her heart. We saw the star- _Peter_ \- as it fell from the sky and landed somewhere in the distance.

“Do you really think _I_ could kill someone?” It’s half a joke, my response, but part of my head can’t wrap around the idea of a star being anyone but Peter. Peter, with the critical eyes and the sharp grins and soft hands- I guess stars don’t have to do a lot of manual labor. Peter, who is currently being hunted by at least two different people who want to cut out his heart and eat it. Because the heart of a star will grant everlasting life.

Peter shakes his head a little at my rebuff of his question, but he’s smiling, so I know he doesn’t mind. Not really. He’s still not looking at me, his head turned and facing into the darkness of where the branches above us fade into stars. His family, I guess. I take the opportunity, selfish as I am, to stare at him for a moment. And to honestly think about his question.

“I think, even if I could, that immortality would be lonely,” I say eventually, letting my eyes slide away from Peter to look up at the stars. I wonder what he sees when he looks up from down here. Does he recognize them? Does he not?

I wonder which would be worse.

“Maybe… Maybe if I had someone to share it with. Someone I loved.” I continue, somehow. “Maybe then…” I trail off.

We sit there in silence, looking up at the stars, thinking different and impossible things. “Like Gabi.” Peter says abruptly, quietly, and the moment shatters. I glance at him and he’s sitting ramrod straight, his shoulders almost caving in on himself. He’s still not looking at me.

 _Gabi._ I make myself remember her, think about her like I did everyday back in our village. Back when the biggest adventure I could imagine was leaving Wall forever and travelling to London or Paris or Spain. Those days feel like a lifetime ago, now.

Gabi, with her soft hair and a smile that made me feel like I understood everything. Gabi, whose eyes sparkled in the sunlight and laugh filled my chest with bubbles. Gabi, who felt quiet and terribly young now, after everything. After Peter.

I don’t doubt that I loved her, but I can’t help but feel like I’ve aged far beyond her in the few weeks I’ve been away, that how I loved Gabi was how a child loved their neighbor and their best friend.

“Right,” I hear myself say, looking away from where Peter has finally turned and is looking at me with his piercing gaze, “Gabi.”

I’m a coward, I know, but I can’t be responsible for breaking the heart of a star. Not when it means so much.

 

**PETER:**

I should have known better. Really, after the first interaction with a witch, neither Sam or I should have trusted any stranger we came across on out way to Wall. I saw her- Sal, I think her name is- speaking to Captain Maxwell, and I assumed she could help us. I assumed.

I look over to where Sam sits, turned into a field mouse and shoved into a cage, and can’t help but wince. It’s my fault the witch did this to him. “Sam?” I ask tentatively, looking into the cage. He’s so small, with beady little eyes that look nothing how they do normally. I can’t tell if he can hear me or see me or understand that I’m here. That I wouldn’t abandon him like this. “If you can understand me, look at me right now.” I wait, hoping beyond hope that the Sam I know is still in there somehow. His little mouse eyes dart around of a moment, before locking onto something far over my shoulder. My heart sinks as I follow his gaze to a block of cheese, suspended by some string from the roof of the caravan. I pinch off a small piece for him and push it through the tiny bars of his cage.

There’s a pile of rags and cloth in one corner, next to where Sam’s cage sits, that I think Sal uses for a bed. It looks dirty and smells faintly like pee, but I sit down anyway, watching little mouse Sam nibble away and the chunk of cheese I gave him. The caravan jostles slightly, but I’ve already gotten used to the constant motion, it’s not that different from Maxwell’s ship. I can hear Sal, grunting and humming out some out of key song from where she sits, outside and in front, guiding the horses.

For some reason, Sal can’t see or hear me, and when I tried to grab Sam back from her- when she first turned him into a mouse- some forcefield prevented me from touching her. So much has already happened, though, in my short time on earth that I can’t muster up the energy to question it, no matter how much I want to know why she can’t perceive me.

I wish Sam was here. I mean, really here. He would know what to do if it were me turned into a mouse and held in a cage. But even after all my thousands of years, watching humans’ adventures and fall in love, when faced with it myself, I’m completely at a loss.

I imagine being back home, high in the sky, and looking down on mankind like I have my whole life. Finally understanding what it all means. What it’s like to love and to hurt and to hope. I miss it, the sky, I miss it like a lost limb, like there’s something inherent that’s missing from me. I want so badly to go back, to be among my brothers and sisters again. But I also know that if he asked, I would stay with Sam, here on earth. I feel like, if- _when_ \- I go back, I will miss Earth too, that it’s attached itself to me somehow. I spent all of my life up until now watching from afar, and telling myself it was enough. That I could watch humanity, unbiased, and make no judgements because I didn’t know what it was like. I absently finger the necklace around my neck. The clear gem and gold chain are heavy, but what’s weightier is what they represent. My arrival on Earth, the first star in nearly 500 years to walk the planet’s surface again.

I don’t think I regret it, even after everything that has happened. Despite being hunted by witches, chased by princes, and captured by pirates... I remember riding the unicorn, I remember Sam arriving out of the blue to save me, I remember Captain Maxwell, with his odd gifts and odder lessons. And although our adventure has been more terrifying and dangerous than I could have imagined, the weight of the joy in my heart is more than I ever could have known.

“You know,” I say aloud. I’m talking to Sam even now, when I know he can’t hear me. “When I said I didn’t know anything about love?” It feels like years ago now, when we were sitting, tied up, in the brig of a flying pirate ship. “I wasn’t… That wasn’t really true. I know a lot about love, actually. I’ve seen it, years and years of it. Adventures and love and magic and all of it, I’ve seen all of it. And I _know_ that love is unconditional. That it’s unpredictable, uncontrollable, unexpected.” I sigh, dropping my head into my hands. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this. I’ve seen thousands of years of human history. Years upon years of wars and lies, discoveries and creations. I’ve seen years of humanity _loving_ , against all odds, and I never knew it would hurt this much.” A strangled kind of laugh escapes me as I look back to Sam, his tiny head cocked almost comically. “It’s like there’s some kind of pressure, a weight in my chest where my heart should be. All of these people chasing after my heart, and it doesn’t even feel like it’s mine anymore.” I force myself to say it aloud, the thoughts I’ve been fighting off for what feels like forever.

“Like it’s yours.” I whisper. “And that you could have it, Sam, and I’d give it to you for nothing.” I smile at the impossibility of it all. “I wouldn’t need anything. No proof, no demonstrations, no gifts from far away. Just your heart in return.”

I know it’s impossible. I don’t say how I’ve seen years of heartbreak, of loss, alongside all the love. I never knew how much that would hurt either.

I’ve said it, though. I told him everything, even though I know he won’t remember or understand. It’s probably for the best. He will go home to Gabi, and win her heart in one fell swoop, and I will find my way back home.

I lean back against the jostling caravan wall, my heart a tumultuous jumble in my chest. We pass the rest of the journey in silence, Sam and I, though I doubt he could’ve spoken even if he wanted to.

When we arrive at the village closest to the wall, Sal removes Sam from his tiny cage and- as promised- turns him human again. “The wall is a mile due East,” she says to Sam, curled in the palm of her hand, “though I suppose it will take you a little longer to get there in your state,” she gives a little chuckle that’s anything but humorous. “The spell tends to leave you a little out of sorts.”

And then Sam’s back, whole and human again in a puff of acrid green smoke. He sways on his feet for a moment before all but collapsing. Sal just chortles and wanders away.

I crouch down beside Sam where he lies in the street, his eyes stare past me, towards the sky, alight with colors from the setting sun. “Sam? Are you ok?” I ask, gently shaking his shoulder to catch his attention.

He mumbles something I don’t catch, but he’s back, and he’s here, and that’s what’s important. I pull him to his feet and we stumble towards an inn down the road. There’s no way he’s getting across the wall to Gabi in this state.

 _At least,_ I think to myself ruefully, _this means he definitely didn’t hear me in the caravan._

 

**SAM:**

Sal lifts whatever spell she cast to turn me into a mouse, and I nearly collapse on the spot. Peter drags me to an inn that I don’t catch the name of, and I fall into the bed as soon as we arrive in our room. They don’t tell you how exhausting being a mouse is when they cast the spell. I don’t know how long I sleep for- probably a few hours- and when I wake up, it’s full dark. Peter is sitting in the corner, staring out the window at the clear night sky. I try to blink the sleep out of my eyes, staying quiet so I don’t startle him.

I always wonder what Peter’s thinking when he gets like this. His eyes get distant, like he’s looking at something miles away, and there’s always something a little heartbreaking in his expression. It’s in moments like these that I really remember that he’s a _star_.

I get out of the bed, as quiet as I can, rolling the crick out of my neck. I guess that’s what I get for just collapsing into bed. Peter either doesn’t hear me or doesn’t care that I’m up, because he doesn’t look away from the window.

He looks so sad, just like he did in the caravan. I know he doesn’t think I could hear him, or at least that I didn’t understand or wouldn’t remember, but I do. I remember every word.

“Peter?” I whisper after a moment. His head snaps in my direction, a mixture of surprise and relief on his face.

“Sam! You’re up, how’re you feeling?”

“As good as I can be after being turned into a mouse, I guess.” He laughs, and when he does his entire face lights up. I kind of want to live in this moment, where everything is soft and safe and you can almost taste the potential in the air. And where Peter is laughing at something I said.

“I’m glad,” he says, sobering, “I was worried after you collapsed when she turned you back.”

“Yeah…”

This is it. This is my one moment to say something, before I lose the opportunity forever.

Before I lose Peter forever.

“Peter?” He hums in response, glancing back out the window at the stars again. “Did you mean what you said in the caravan?”

He freezes, and something in my heart stops for a second as Peter turns- terribly slowly- to look at me. “What?” Peter’s voice cracks, and a little voice in the back of my head whispers _you were wrong he doesn’t love you, you were wrong_ \- “But you- you were a mouse!” He laughs a little, but I think it’s more out of shock that humor. “You didn’t… I asked you to give me a sign.”

I grin sheepishly, shrugging a little. “I was still trying to get the hang of the little mouse body, and then you started saying all…” Peter’s bright red now, and I’m sure I am too. He’s looking away from me, but it’s almost like he’s self conscious, not uncomfortable. Which is something, at least.

“I can’t believe you heard all of that,” He whispers. “Did you? Hear all of-” I nod, cutting him off, but I’m smiling and I hope he can tell that I don’t mind. “Oh.” He smiles, tentative and small, and it’s more of a question than anything.

“Peter?” I ask, finally standing up from where I was leaning against the bed frame. In response, he finally meets my eyes. “Do you want to know what Maxwell really said to me when we were leaving the ship?” Captain Maxwell, pirate captain with a secret soft side, had saved Peter and I and kept us on his ship- he had seen through me before I saw the truth myself. He had whispered one last thing to me alone, right before he left us to finish our trip to the wall, and I hadn’t planned on ever telling Peter what he said; until now. “He told me,” I take another step towards Peter, “that my true love was right in front of my eyes.” Peter’s eyes widen, just a little, and he takes a small step towards me. “And he was right.” I finally close the distance between us, catching one of Peter’s hands in mine as I do. “Peter, you have my heart, wholly and truly, if that’s what you want.”

He looks at me for a moment, and says nothing. And then, and _then_ \- he kisses me.

And in the semi darkness of the room- lit by candle and star light- I finally understand what it means to shine.

**Author's Note:**

> i literally am the worst on top of this and if we were a movie (second chapter's up! go read!! still on my eldonado bullshit!!) an idea for a hanahaki eldonado au has been rattling around in my head bc WHY NOT so please chime off in the comments and tell me to chill tf out bc im really Too Much right now, even for myself  
> xoxo, ya bitch grassland


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